Recording this album was a Shamanic Initiation into deeper connection, understanding and empowerment with my Voice.
I have been singing for about 9 years pretty consistently, cultivating my vocal channel.
When I started, it was pretty bad.
People still said they liked it, but I knew, there was much work to do.
You see, I have such a a wide range in my vocal register that when I was a child I would talk very very low, and then sometimes really high.
My parents and teachers thought I had a speech impediment, and sent me to speech therapy to normalize my voice. This scarred me, and their fuss around the strangeness of my voice stuck with me and muted me a lot, keeping me from feeling confident singing or speaking.
It has been a loaded lifetime process with me and my voice. It took blossoming into adulthood for me to even consider that I could sing and not offend people. So the fact that I am now a budding professional musician and singer is amazing.
I worked on this A LOT in my life. And now, 9 years later and I have found a wide variety of sound possibilities with my voice and have learned my vocal instrument as a self-taught singer and sound healer. I realize now that actually the "strangeness" of my voice was a huge gift! Because I have a HUGE RANGE from very low to incredibly high, and this is profoundly useful as a singer and sound healer!
After years of cultivating my craft, practicing, performing and creating many songs, I was almost completely happy with my vocal sound, and felt it was finally time to record.
However (dun dun dun......) Once I started the recording process 3 months ago, MY VOICE disappeared!
Not really, I mean, it was still there, but my mastery and potency of my vocal channel was gone. It was like years of work on my craft were erased, and all that was left was a squeaky, weak voice that missed a lot of notes and sang slightly off key.
WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!??!?!
Was my first response.
But then over time I recognized, that this was the gift.
This was the process.
To say fuck it and do it any way.
To push through this seaming obstacle to learn, grow and evolve.
I kept going.
When I recorded the first vocals of this album, I had a full on Shamanic Journey experience. My voice was completely clamped down, not cooperative at all. So I sat with it. I felt into it. I breathed into it. I moved into it. I prayed about it.
What came was a profound energetic experience of release and opening. This was accompanied by multiple past life memories flashing through my vision and my system in an embodied way where I was killed by throat. I was held from behind by a Beloved and sliced across the throat, I was killed by guillotine, hung, strangled, drowned and more for being a Magical Woman.
This is the Witches Wound.
I have accessed past life memories like this before, but this was truly a unique experience. By recording this album and being open to it as a multi-dimensional experience, I was transforming lifetimes of karma around speaking my truth, embodying my potency and Claiming myself as a Priestess, Healer, Channel and Guide.
It used to be very unsafe and life threatening to do what I do. But now, in this lifetime, it is safe, and it is time.
There are powerful messages and vibrations that are aligning to come through me, and now that I went through that portal, I am so much more prepared to receive and deliver them.
So you see, this music is not just music to me. This is my soul healing lifetimes of pain and claiming my power and my right to be my fullest expression.
With that big chunk integrated, the process got a little easier, but I still couldn't access my full vocal potency. When it came time to record the final vocals, I was still battling myself in this way.
I did it any way, I found a way, and although the final product I feel is not a full representation of my vocal potency and potential, it is good enough. It is pretty good. It is actually very good. And I know it can be better.
I know it can be better because it already is better.
Now on the other side of this Album Release, with two successful release parties (One in Berkeley, One in San Diego) under my belt, I truly transmuted and transformed all of that process and healing.
I now have SUCH fuller access to my vocal channel and potency, confidence, consistency and range. Radically so. And not only that, but a much deeper understanding of my vocal capacity, what my voice and music is For, and how to use my voice and dedicate my life and music to the healing, awakening, empowerment and upliftment of humanity.
I love you so much. Thank you for witnessing my process.
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